Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Pregnancy: The end of the first trimester

A fortnight ago I experienced something I never thought I would: a happy scan, in which my husband, mother and I were able to view the movements of a healthy 13-week old foetus.

I was so nervous going in - more nervous than I'd been for the egg collection, more nervous than for the pregnancy test, more nervous even than I was for the seven-week scan which told us whether there was a heartbeat or not. I think my trepidation was fed by the terrified sense that, having come so far, it would all be taken away from me. I was utterly petrified that there'd be a problem with the baby, or that something might have happened to it weeks before without my knowledge.

In reality the scan couldn't have gone better. The sonographer was able to get amazingly clear pictures, and the baby obliged us by swimming about and even sucking its tiny thumb for long enough to pose for a photo. It looked completely healthy - everything that can be right at this stage was right, with particular highlights including a strong heartbeat and evidence that the stomach and digestive system have started to work.

It was, in short, an amazing experience, and one I thought I'd never have. I couldn't believe how formed, developed and active the baby was even at this early stage. I'm utterly convinced I can feel movements now at neatly 15 weeks, although all the books say this is impossible until at least 20 weeks for first-time mums.

Bah to the books, say I. They are wrong on more than one thing, let me tell you. In fact, I'm here to bust some pregnancy book myths and blatant understatements, in my usual frank and abrupt style.

1. Slight constipation is common in early pregnancy

Try: you will be unable to defecate for days, occasionally creeping into a whole week, at a time. You will be so bunged up with crap that it occasionally hurts to walk. When you go to the toilet to pee, but in the throes of a bad spell of constipation, it will hurt to even twist the amount you need to in order to pull up your pants. You will be perpetually starving and will eat constantly even as you quake with fear that you are adding to the shit storm. Eating brown bread, fibre and lots of fruit doesn't help, as the lying books claim. Fibre and fruit are ALL I eat. Oh, and every time you do manage to go to the toilet, any minor amount of straining will leave you bug-eyed with terror that you have somehow dislodged the baby.

2. There will be some minor aches and pains as your body stretches

Every day will be an adventure of twinges, cramps, weird stabby sensations and bubbling. You will not be able to work out whether these are due to the excessive amount of wind and crap you are storing, or to normal pregnancy pains, or to a problem you should speak to the midwife about. You will quickly establish yourself with said midwife as a nutcase paranoid nuisance who phones up at every ache. Every time you do this you will feel obliged to say "It's an IVF pregnancy" in an effort to justify why you are so obsessive and terrified. The pains you will experience are not just in your abdomen. The best ones are the ones that feel like someone is stabbing a red-hot poker up your vagina and anus simultaneously. This is especially fun when it happens in a meeting at work.

3. Your vaginal discharge may increase

You may need to insert a pillow into your underwear and would be at risk of drowning if you spent long enough in a sealed room. This too will terrify you every time it happens because a) it's completely alien to all previous experience (for me anyway) and b) every time a splat descends you will assume you are bleeding and therefore miscarrying. Sometimes the discharge will be scary-looking and mucousy, prompting you to demand the midwife do a vaginal swab at your booking visit, which her expression indicates she was not expecting. The results will be normal, making you look like a fool. Other times the splat will be so watery that you will first wonder if you wet yourself. When you establish you did not, you will immediately decide your waters must have broken, which will prompt you to drop everything and leap in a taxi to the hospital to demand another scan, for which you will have to wait three hours in a state of pacing horror. I wish I was exaggerating but this happened last Friday.

4. You may feel emotional

You will burst into inconsolable tears when a knitted duck character on the comedy TV programme Harry Hill's TV Burp doesn't get picked because it doesn't have wings. You may also get so upset when your furniture plans for the spare room are out by a couple of millimeters that you give yourself a nosebleed. Again, I wish I was lying.

5. Nausea may be worse in the mornings

You will develop a new morning routine: get out of bed, retch extensively into toilet without bringing anything up. Climb into shower to be immediately struck by urge to retch further, which you do directly into the shower plughole to save you clambering out again. Dry yourself. Retch more. Attempt to brush teeth and discover this worsens the retching desire tenfold. Repeat, daily, for six to eight weeks. (And I'm lucky that my morning sickness stopped at 13 weeks - I know lots of people for whom this wasn't the case!)

That's my top five myths busted, and I'm only up to 15 weeks! However, make no mistake: I'm not complaining. I'm merely shattering myths and illusions in my normal way. But however much it may sound like I'm whining, I love every second of this. It really is the definition of a dream come true, and I think that's why most of my moans relate to being uncertain about symptoms to worry about and those which are normal. Having never been pregnant before, I just don't know what to expect and when something aches, or twinges, or leaks, I immediately assume something has gone wrong.

This is something I need to get over and I plan to ask my (beleaguered) midwife for advice on how, because I can't spend the next 25 weeks panicking about every bubble of wind. I imagine twinges and pains will get a lot worse before the end - I should think my first Braxton Hicks contraction will see me summoning the National Guard - and all the worrying, ironically, isn't good for the baby, despite me wanting to dedicate every second and fibre of my being to doing things that are good for him or her.

It is amazing what the body can do. I cannot believe I have already created and grown this tiny, 9-centimetre long perfect person. There isn't a second of a minute of a waking hour when I don't think about my baby, wonder how and what it's doing and pray it is OK. Neither is there an instant when I'm not overwhelmed with gratitude that we have got this far.

I feel, for the first time in nearly half a decade, that my body is doing what it is designed to do. It really is an awfully big, exciting adventure and I can't wait to see what happens next.


Ultrasound said...

I just want to say congrats! Making it to 13 weeks with an IVF baby is fantastic news... What a blessing!

Sounds like your nearly out of the woods as they say!

Thanks for the post,
Monica @
Pregnancy Ultrasound Ireland
21 Main St.
Co. Dublin

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are still blogging. So happy to hear that despite all the worries and the enexpected level of constipation you are doing well and enjoying finally being pregnant x

galaxy IVF said...

Its great to hear you are getting on so well, I am so very pleased for you. Please keep the pregnancy info coming as I hope my IVF will soon be successful. Thanks to you I wont have to worry when I get the week long constipation and floods in my knickers. Take good care of yourself and blog again soon

Anna said...

Seriously -- Your entries need to be printed in a book and handed to all expectant mothers. You are making me laugh and teaching me!! Please, please keep this up! I love your updates! So glad to hear that you and the baby are doing great!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog for awhile and I quit because I to got pregnant. I am glad to read your good news and agree with most of your symptoms. Its easy to feel guilty about being tired and puking all them time but it is a blessing and great to experiance!!

Anonymous said...

I am SO happy for you! It sounds like everything is working out great with your pregnancy. I wish you all the best and good luck with becoming a mother, you will do great!
Keep us posted!

Laura said...

so excited for you!!! i think i felt the same way a lot of the time... waiting for the ball to drop. i even made it through my 20 week u/s thinking my baby HAD to have some sort of abnormality... surely i couldn't conceive and stay pregnant without there being SOME bad news... but everything was great! i wish the same for you!!

newmumover40 (to be!) said...

Even in your complaining, you can hear your love of this pregnancy. Complaining with humour - its great and honest (even if your aren't kidding about the circumstances!). I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post.

Congratulations on your first good scan. That is so fantastic and how exciting.!

And oh dear, the things we have to look forward to. Thanks for the heads up! Much appreciated.

*Ivette* said...

I also felt movements early on with all my pregnancies. You know your body best, and again Congrats!!

JulesA said...

Hello I am new to your blog and new to the blogging world.

I just wanted to say congrats! I had a good read through the blog, I'm so glad that it has worked out for you!


Dazedlittlemiss said...

Again, congratulations. All the best!

Rose said...

I am just beginning the slow journey of TTC, this was the first blog to show up when I googled "trying to conceive blogspot". You're so genuine and honest. I love it. Thanks! And many congratulations to you!

Anonymous said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Laura said...

okay! i'm ready for an update now, please :)

natasha said...

Amazing - I hadn't checked your blog for ages (I also had an IVF pregnancy and I had all sorts of weird rituals and things that I couldn't do that would magically make the pregnancy stick - it worked but it would obviously have worked anyway. The madness. And reading your blog was one of the things I wasn't allowed to do).

So, so happy for you.

The worrying and panicking doesn't stop after you have the baby by the way. I stop the pram every 5 mins to check he is breathing and I didn't really sleep for the first two weeks at home. I bought a 'respisense' monitor that clips on to the nappy and sounds an alarm if there's no movement for 15 seconds but he hated the feel of it so much it is in a drawer (along with the sling I bought that then turned out to be a bit like the ones they just banned in America for safety reasons).



Rachel said...

oh poo. I'm trying (unsuccessfully so far) for a baby and I cried at Peter The Duck not getting picked - AND I'M NOT EVEN PREGNANT! :-(

Munchkin said...

I'm really hoping that your absence from your blog is a result of your having the BEST TIME EVER with your pregnancy, and not because you're experiencing problems or, heaven forbid, a loss. We're all here waiting to support you, whatever is going on in your life!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations - Please take it easy!! - We came across your website and think that this is a great idea, to share your journey with others. Hopefully it will help others to realise that they are not the only ones that are going through this. We really hope it works out for you. Our own website has more information on many of the aspects of infertility if people want to take a look, please visit Fertility Clinic - Good Luck :)

Lyn said...

I am so happy for you!! I wish you a wonderful pregnancy and a very sweet little baby :)

Lynn said...

I just love your blog! It always makes me laugh. I hope everything is going well for you during your pregnancy. Can't wait for an update!

joven said...

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queenpheebs said...

congrats on ur pregnancy.. uve had a reeli hard tym. i red ur hole blog today its so funny. bt ur blogs r few n far between now. dnt b thinking ur too good to blog now! haha no really keep us up to date! n u didnt really explain hubby's reaction to the pregnancy and ur mums n ur friends etc. wht bout the relative hu didnt get preg frm ivf?so on so forth. update soon its bin 2 months!

Anonymous said...

it looks like i may be referred for IVF very shortly.

Are you ok? You havent blogged for ages? Is everything ok with you and the baby? I check everyday for news but you've gone silent... hope you're ok...

Anonymous said...

I don't know what's worse....the TWW, or the wait for this blog to be updated! I check every day (sometimes twice!) We really want to hear from you! Hope you're doing ok.

Rach said...

I know! I'm checking every day too - really hoping things are ok...

Anonymous said...

I have to say this is the most self indulgent, selfish blog I have ever read!

Yeah so you had a bit of difficulty getting pregnant, what about all us ladies who are never going to be able to give birth to our own children because of cancer, menopause etc. Do you see us collapsing in tears at the mention of babies or pregnancy.

No wonder relations with your husband were so strained. TTC is a two cart race not an individual achievement. I pitty the poor man who seems to have been excluded from the process apart from as a sperm donor.

Laura said...

please update soon! and don't worry about the hate above this comment -- we love you :)

Anonymous said...

yeah, ignore the nasty post above, your blog has really really helped me as i go through the same experiences as you - I am really grateful to you writing it and so ignore hurtful posts, as if i need to say this but we all know how much you love your DH - the fact that you write as you do with your wit and sarcasm are what makes your blog so funny/painful/warm/honest in equal measure and we're with you in every step. Methinks someone else is having a hard time dealing with their own situation, and anon my heart goes out to you but no need to be mean to other people just because you're hurting.

Barrenblog said...

Thank you everyone for your comments and I'm so sorry not to have updated for so long. I've been penning a new post and will publish it very soon as I'm now in the third trimester and everything is going fine, apart from my demented terror at every twinge!

I really appreciate all the comments and support, and Anon, I'm sorry if my blog has upset you as it's clear from your comment that you are going through a difficult time yourself. I hope you are OK. It was never my intention to depict my situation as worse than/as bad as anyone else's - all I ever wanted to do with this blog was speak to other women struggling with the frustration of what, for us, was four years of "unexplained infertility".

However, I am grateful every second of every minute for how lucky we have been and I genuinely wish and pray for the best outcome for everyone else battling the hell of infertility, no matter what the cause.

Thanks everyone - update soon I promise! x

Anonymous said...

I have just spent the most wonderful hour reading your blog from the end of 2008 to the present - perhaps cruel to say 'wonderful' when you have been through so much heartache, unbelievable stress and in situations that you must look back on in disbelief. But it can only be described as 'wonderful' if it makes me laugh and cry and feel such emotional relief on a day when I have been feeling thoroughly miserable at our own (very early) failed attempts to conceive. There is something intrinsically helpful about knowing that there are others in the same boat as me, and about knowing that it is possible to get through such difficult times with your sanity and your relationship with your husband intact. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and will re-visit your blog as I go through the same processes myself. Thank you so much.

Anonymous said...

I'm really looking forward to the updates on this blog too .... hope it is all going well in the third trimester ...

Mayne just an "I'm alive" post will suffice ....

Anonymous said...

You promised! You promised!! I'm dying for an update!!
Pretty please!!

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Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I could feel my little one at 13 or 14 weeks, but definitely at 15. It was not exactly my first pregnancy - it was my ninth. But it was the first one to make it this far and at the beginning of the 36th week a baby to bring home alive! So don't believe it when the books say it is impossible for the first time mom to feel movement before the 20th week. I think mamas like us are much more aware.

Best wishes from another Cyster.

Anonymous said...

Unless my calculations are're due around now, aren't you??
Update us!!! We're dying to know how you're doing!!

Christine said...

Hang in there mama- two more tris to go!

kimberly said...

I had some problem with my first pregnancy, i wanted to be pregnant and have my first baby, buy my husband had erectil dysfunction problem, so we decided to buy viagra and after that he turned very strong and could get powerful erection after this medical treatment. Thank to this i have two litle and beautiful girls.

Anonymous said...

Dude!! You must've had your baby by now!!! GIVE US AN UPDATE PLEASE!!! We're dying to know!!!!!!

Natasha said...

Hoping you are all ok.

Just to say that the newborn terror did go after about 4 months.

Would love to hear how you are doing.

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Trying Again said...

Thanks for your story and telling it so honestly! I hope your pregnancy continues to go well!

Munchkin said...

We'd all love to know what you had, how it went and how you're doing. I check your blog every day still for an update, and I know I'm not alone!

Just a quick update from you, even if it's your last, would be SO appreciated by your readers.

Pretty please!!

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Anonymous said...

ok so you have officially left. I hope you had your baby and are happy. I think it is a little selfish of you not to let anyone know you and baby are ok. You should feel proud that you left us all missing you and that we enjoyed reading your blog. However, having waited to see if you were ok for the last few months, this is me officially never coming on the site again. You are a perfect example of someone who struggled with IVF, had a baby and then disappeared and gave her fellow strugglers not a second thought. It is good to know the real you. The blog was a very good mask. well done and your child will be most proud.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I feel the same way. I've felt so supportive of you for so long, and even after you totally disappeared, I continued to check your blog almost every day - truly hoping for a wonderful update and praying everything was great with you. And I'm so hurt and disappointed that you've never officially closed up your blog. I'd like to say that I'll never visit again, but I know that probably not true. I really do care to know whatever happened. And I do hope it was all good.
But my patience is diminishing, and I admit to being upset and frustrated.
I do hope you find it within you to update just one last time.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was just be feeling that way and felt I was being a bitch but obviously not. Perhaps this is what happens to some women who actually have that sacred baby, in that they forget who they were and what they went through. However there are real women out there who still blog about having struggled with infertililty and finally having children. Don't despair, this woman was all in it for the venting and not really for us fellow infertiles. lesson learned the hard way.

Anonymous said...

Having no idea what has happened to Barrenblog, it is a shame to see such rude, selfish and insensitive comments. She has no responsibility to anyone to continue writing in her blog. It is only a blog. There is no need to lash out at her, simply because for whatever reason, she has not returned to her blog. You cannot make assumptions on what those reasons are.

I hope that you can leave her in peace from now on and concentrate on your own lives and stay in contact with those people that do still blog regularly about the issues that are important to you.

I wish you well Barrenblog. I pray that, whatever is going on in your life, that you are coping well and are happy.

Love and light.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for being an insensitive bitch. There is no excuse and I have been selfish. sincere apologies to Barren Blog and other readers. I do feel embarassed.

Sushigirl said...

I'm a relatively new blogger and just wanted to say I really enjoy reading your blog archives. I hope everything turned out ok for you.

I'm gobsmacked at some of the anonymous comments on here - I've hopefully assumed that you'd stopped blogging as you'd got your happy ending but didn't think your followers would particularly want to read a pregnancy blog.

I've seen another blogger getting a pasting by anonymous commenters for writing about her IVF pregnancies; there's no pleasing everyone!

can i get pregnant said...

First trimester of the pregnancy is the most delicate stage because a lot of conception happens here. Though its nearing its end on the first trimester, you have to be careful because your pregnancy on that stage is too fragile.

Emmie said...

Great to hear your opinions on the first trimester. I have heard that some of those aches and pains in the stomach are pretty nasty.

Chelsea Leis said...

Pregnancy is a journey that consists of supporting a life within you. This is also a part of life where there are ups and downs. If you get through all of the trials down the road in those nine months, the life you've been carrying will definitely be thankful. How are you right now? =]

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