Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Second consultation at the fertility clinic

Well, that was a waste of time.

I was initially heartened when I realised we'd bagged a session with the head honcho consultant - the one who's a renowned authority on reproductive medicine in our area, and whose name is on all the plaques that adorn the clinic's reception. But we might as well have seen Tinky Winky the Teletubby for all the help she gave us.

She said there's nothing obviously wrong with us - his sperm's fine, my tubes are fine, and apparently all my bloodwork was fine. This, it would seem, indicates that I DO ovulate and DON'T have PCOS. The consultant last time who thought my right ovary looked polycystic was apparently wrong. (I suspected all along I didn't have PCOS.)

She then said IVF would be the next step as a solution for the dreaded "unexplained" infertility. However, she's reluctant to do something so invasive at the moment - because, get this, "time is still on our side".

So Professor Winky then told us to come back in a year.

Yes, you read right - a year. Another year of this - of hope and disappointment every month, of life being on hold, of limbo, of misery, of money wasted on pregnancy tests that are never positive.

I asked about the fertility drugs I'd been so sure I'd be given today, and she said I don't need them. She says Clomid comes with risks, there's a 10% chance every cycle of twins and more side effects than you can shake a stick at. I'm not stupid and completely understand why she doesn't want me to go down this route if I don't need to. But a YEAR?

We were offered counselling because the prof said she was "concerned at the level of anxiety" - probably as a result of my smacked-arse expression when she uttered the words "a year". And maybe it's something to look into because I fear for my sanity, I really do. A year.

They also took blood (more? why?) and said I now have to have a blood test every week until they can establish a detailed ovulation pattern. And here they threw me a bone: if it does turn out, after a couple of months of monitoring, that my ovulation is erratic, we can try Clomid later in the year.

I'm rambling a bit here but it's because I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that the experience I thought would bring an end to our limbo has actually intensified the sense of helplessness. Of course, I'm glad there's nothing deal-breakingly wrong with either of us. But equally, for it to be "unexplained" seems doubly frustrating.

And I have to say, the prof did come out with a surprising array of pointless comments and platitudes. The spine-curlingly annoying words "try and put it out of your mind" were used, as well as the truly infuriating "you can't expect to get a six every time you throw a dice". What does that even mean? I never asked to be Rainman, I just want a fucking baby after two years of trying!

Hubby, as usual, sat there like a mute throughout and refused to comment or react to anything. She even pulled him up on it - she said "You're very quiet - is there anything you want to say or ask?" and he just said no.

Afterwards, he was more concerned with heading off to get a replacement for his watch battery before the jeweller's shut than with seeing how I was doing. I actually think he's pissed off that there has turned out to be nothing wrong with me, because previously he was coasting along on a sea of relief at it all being my fault.

The big question is, where do we go from here? Can we make it through another year of this without killing/hating/leaving each other? Will our already clinical and somewhat dull sex life dwindle to nothing again against a backdrop of mounting pressure and frustration? Will I resort to mothering dolls and small ornaments?

Find out in the next exciting instalment of "How The Fuck Did This Become My Life?"

13 comments:

Heather said...

Holy shit. I love the bs they try to feed you when all you want to do is strangle them. All is not peace and euphoria in uterus land so shut up, right? It's harder than hell to keep saying "I know I can, I know I can". I'm not really in to offering advice, but I can say, hubby and I finally had to buy a sex card game and use it at least every couple of times we mated. It at least injected a little humor into the "ankles above the head for 20 minutes". Lots of luck.

capitalchick said...

Ugh...Listen! Just because that quack has her name all over the place, doesn't mean you need to take her bullshit.
Her advice is 100% unacceptable. To tell a couple, who has already been TTC for two years, to give it another year, is absolute crap and you need to look for another opinion.
I have become so freakin' aggressive in demanding treatment, that my doctors hate me. But, y'know what? I'm getting what I need. You need to go to another doctor with a bazooka in hand (ok, maybe not a bazooka...but cold,hard facts about your situtation and the treatment you need will suffice instead!).
Just forget about her. She obviously has better things to do than provide quality advice to her patients. You need another opinions. Screw her. Do everything you can to use the back channels. Ask yourself if there's ANYONE in your personal life who has a medical degree and who can use their clout to get you in somewhere else. Short of that...take a vacation to North America and visit an expert here. I can give you the name of a real gem here in Ottawa.

Mya said...

I'm sorry that your consultation did not go better. Despite your doctor's credentials, her advice sounds ridiculous. I've only been following your blog a short time, but I can't imagine how trying for two years does not qualify you for fertility treatment now, if that is what you are ready to pursue. If possible, please get a second opinion. Find a doctor who will listen to your situation and work with you rather than handing down absurd suggestions.

Dinky Dory said...

well thats pure b/s! can't believe that was their answer/results. eh!? a year?! that is just stoopid. Anyway, heres a hug *HUG*, it won't make things better but its a nice hug :)

Rachie Pachie said...

WOW... how in the world would the FS say that? Especially that time is on your side & to put it out of your mind? How out of touch is she with your patients?! I'm sure she willingly took your $300 payment for the "consult". How ridiculous!?

Sorry you had to go through that & sorry the hubs didn't become more supportive or inquisitive. That bothers me, too. It's not just me trying to have a baby... it's him, too!

Michell said...

WTF???
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I admit that I don't know the whole story without reading back but I seem to remember that your cycles were very long? I don't know a lot about the PCOS thing but know that long cycles are usually involved. As far as her, lets do IVF in a year or so thats bullshit. First off, why jump immediately to that without trying anything else first. I can't believe she wouldn't want to at least try clomid or injectibles first. As far as the twins with clomid, you probably have a better chance at twins with IVF. Side effects from Clomid are a pain but manageable. I'm sorry you ended up with this shitty doc. Do you have any other options for docs??

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Dagny said...

OMG. I cant' believe they just said to wait for a year!!!!!!!

I'd be furious. Beyond.

So sorry.

s.e. said...

This was definitely not the news we were all hoping for. I don't know what your health care situation is but if you have options take them. Unexplained is a terrible place to be. I've been there and may still possibly be. I also hate to her "you are young" for the doctors. You are in such a completely frustrating situation and it is truly normal not to wrap your head around the information you were provided. Don't give up just yet!

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