Saturday, 5 January 2008

The barren woman's hate list - item #4: my own reproductive system

One of the hardest things about this whole experience is that I feel I am at war with myself. Ever since we got hubby's sperm test back (the results, I mean - they didn't post us the crusty pot) and thus confirmed that the problem is solely with me, I've felt that my own body is conspiring against me.

Here's a dark confession: the other night I sat in the bath and actually had a conversation with my own sexual organs.

I told them that with the days till our consultation at the clinic ticking down, they had only a finite window of opportunity in which to get their acts together and basically comply with the demands of the role nature gave them. I said they had better consider this a final warning, as further disciplinary reviews would not be forthcoming.

I ended with the following words: "Because if you don't, I will subject you to an increasingly invasive, painful and humiliating series of tests. You will be rammed, scraped, probed, pumped, injected with chemicals, and stared up by a succession of probably male doctors, and you will crack before I do."

I believe I may then have slapped my own lower stomach, hard, in frustration.

Now that's not normal, is it?!

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