Monday, 20 October 2008

Another autumn waiting game

I managed to get an appointment on 13 November which, given previous lead times, is not that bad.

I intend to take my mum with me this time. Her support during the HSG was invaluable, and she's just better than hubby at times like this. Mum asks good questions and keeps me calm, whereas hubby sits there like a mute and then fucks off to get his watch fixed afterwards.

The main reason I want her moral support is that I don't want to leave this appointment having achieved nothing. Whether it's a Clomid prescription, a laparoscopy referral or even the number of a sympathetic counsellor, I want something tangible and real to come out of it. And if I get too upset to articulate as much - my throat usually starts aching with the urge to cry the minute I walk through the doors - I want my mum there to voice these thoughts for me.

My bizarre three-week cycle has not resolved itself. I bled for two days last week, then it tapered off again but - this is new - hasn't yet vanished altogether. I now spend my daily trips to the ladies' staring in dismay at what isn't actually period but can only be described as Unpleasantness.

I amused myself a few minutes ago. I was listening to my iTunes library, contemplating writing this blog post, and 'Glorybox' by Portishead came on. It's one of my favourite songs - I always used to think, in the days when I had such thoughts, that it'd be a good song to have sex to - and it contains a sentiment close to my heart at present with the refrain "I just want to be a woman".

Anyway, with this in mind, I suddenly thought: the song should be renamed in my honour. 'Gorybox'.

5 comments:

s.e. said...

Moms are wonderful aren't they. Men just cannot relate or comprehend like woman do. I hope the ickiness ends for you soon and that you find that Nov. 13 comes quickly.

Sarah said...

How did the appointment go?

Anonymous said...

Sarah took the words out of my mouth.
How did it go?
I hope and pray that you got your good news after all. It is not out of plain sympathy or condescension. I truly root for you and truly hope that you get your baby.
I don't know you, but I know that there are so many women who get pregnant by "mistake" and so many who wish they were pregnant and are not. It is deeply unfair and heartbreaking.
This is why a stranger like me prays that you get your wish. It comes from the heart. Please let us know how you are now.
God bless

Anonymous said...

How are you doing? You haven't posted in a while.

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